Sabbath Devotional :: Love Your Neighbor

Like so many of us I have an interest in family history. I have spent many years trying to learn more about my family. I am not done. I once knew a woman who was done with family history. She lived in an early 1800’s farm house. She created a history for her home. She made copies of the old deeds that were stored in the county records. She read old newspapers at the library. She found birth and death announcements for prior occupants of the house. She collected building plans submitted for additions and alterations. She also found write ups of local sports achievements and garden parties. She created a book about the house and gifted a copy of the book to the new owners when she sold the house.

I imagine when she first bought the house she had great affection for it. The research that she did to learn more about her home helped her to love it even more. It must have been wonderful to sit in front of the fireplace and envision the people who would have sat in that room 100 years prior and knowing their names, perhaps even having seen photos of them.

There must have been some comfort knowing the hardships that the prior occupants had gone through in that home and knowing that they endured these personal tragedies. Especially when times are hard, it is good to know that we are not alone even if separated by time.

Familiarity does not breed contempt.

We are supposed to love our neighbors. So what do I know about my neighbors? I know that my neighbor next door is grateful for the rain watering her garden and a few other meaningless things. I do not know what she is afraid of or most proud of. I do not even know her first name.

Across the road is another neighbor that I know more about. I know where she used to work and what she liked about the job. I know where she works now and what frustrates her and about it. I know the naming story of her dog and where her parents live and what their health issues are. Because I know what her struggles are, I pray for her often. I know when she is worried, I checked in on her often during the lockdown phase of the pandemic. She frequently leaves little gifts for my family on the front porch. In case you are wondering, I do know her first and last name. She has come to eat with us and I look forward to having her over for dinner again.

When I first met this neighbor she had just moved onto the street and I sought her out because there was something that interested me, her parking sticker. She had the same municipal parking sticker that I had and so I knew she must work in the same village where I work. I stalked her car through the front window until I saw her coming home one day. Immediately there was a familiarity because we knew some of the same people and places.

There is a study that was done by the psychologist Arthur Aron in which he had a man and woman ask each other alternating questions and then look deeply into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The results were written and are linked below. They found that interpersonal closeness can be increased as we learn more of the inner workings of those around us and as we share more about ourselves. This study has been reduced to magazine articles claiming that you can make anyone fall in love in 36 questions.

In Leviticus 19:11–14 it tells us how we are not to treat our neighbor:

11 Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another.12 And ye shall not swear by my name falsely, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the Lord. 13 Thou shalt not defraud thy neighbour, neither rob him: the wages of him that is hired shall not abide with thee all night until the morning. 14 Thou shalt not curse the deaf, nor put a stumbling block before the blind, but shalt fear thy God: I am the Lord.

But we live in a much more complex world now. So many of the stumbling blocks that we deal with are internal. We struggle with loneliness, boredom, insecurities and so much more that may not show on the outside. The way that we get to love our neighbor is by getting to know them and giving them the opportunity to know more about us. Often we feel that we are alone and are the only one who has a particular struggle.

I am often amazed by the members of the church at fast and testimony meetings. They stand before their congregations and sometimes tell their pains and struggles out loud and give glory to God in the process. They teach us how to love them in those moments and we become more able to do as the Lord has commanded us.

In a conference talk Poor Little Ones, Elder Jorge T. Becerra talks about his father’s efforts to help the poor. He says:

“He would typically find someone in need and then go privately and provide the help they needed. I later discovered that he was helping them enroll in school, buy some food, or provide in some way or another for their well-being. He was ministering to a “poor little one” who came across his path.”

Elder Becerra was being taught to take the time to get to know a person so that he could know their needs. How would his father know that one needed education or food if he did not talk and spend time with these poor little ones. We too should follow his father’s lead. We can learn about each other’s history. We can look for the things we have in common. But most importantly we can share our weaknesses and vulnerabilities with others so that they know that we have compassion for them in their struggles and give others a chance to serve us. We can love one another.

Links:
The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness
Elder Jorge T. Becerra, “Poor Little Ones”