Sabbath Devotional: By the Sweat of thy Brow ... Holding Nothing Back

Late one recent February night, despite my hours of reading and writing about peace and conflict resolution, I could only feel the dull flatness of a sense of stupor like the Lord describes in Section 9: 9 of the Doctrine of Covenants:

“But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me. “

Despite all my studying and seeking for inspiration about this assignment, I kept turning my ideas over and over in my mind, playing with the wording on my screen, without any inspiration. I had certainly written things down, but they were just empty words and ideas that seemed forgettable.

My fingers left the keyboard for a minute to ponder; I could still hear the kind and enthusiastic voice of the stake Relief Society president telling me, “You’re the perfect person to speak on the topic of peace,” but nothing felt inspired, fresh, or pertinent. Maybe being the “perfectly informed” person on the topic made me the wrong person for this assignment. In fact, I seemed to just be relying upon my previous knowledge and had yet to experience anything close to a burning bosom described in verse 8 of the same section of scripture:

“But behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.”

As I returned to reading through my presentation once more before calling it a night, I remarked to myself, “What’s the point of this presentation? It sounds like rehash of all your old ideas without any feeling.”

I was right; I hadn’t received any inspiration yet. My PowerPoint presentation lacked the substance and inspiration I knew it needed to reach the hundreds of women I would be addressing in a virtual stake Relief Society conference. Don’t get me wrong. I thrill to speak and feel the inspiration of heaven when teaching true principles. There is really nothing like it in this world for me.

To be an inspired instrument in God’s hands means the most to me in whatever circumstance I am in, from a personal conversation to a talk for hundreds of people. Yet, this void assured me that I had further to go; more material to cover; stronger prayers to offer; and always more patience and meekness to demonstrate throughout the process. More work to do, and I was tired with time running out for inspiration.

In the books of Genesis and Moses, the Lord explains the conditions of mortality to Adam and Eve, who learn that they will need to constantly labor for their bread by the sweat of their brows (See Moses 5:1 and Genesis 3:19). From my scripture study and temple experiences, I had always assumed that this reference pertained mostly to the necessity of working to provide for ourselves physically during mortality. But this new stupor of thought was beginning to feel like labor, even necessary labor. Perhaps, I wasn’t physically sweating but this assignment demanded greater intellectual and spiritual work than I had ever extended to offer an inspired message.

During this same period of preparation for the Relief Society conference, I was preparing a Sunday school lesson that focused on repentance. In my searching for materials, I happened upon an October 1991 General Conference talk Elder Neal A. Maxwell gave, simply titled, “Repentance.” As I read this online article, I recalled how Elder Maxwell used to spend hundreds of hours fine-tuning his General Conference talks to serve the Lord the best he knew how. As I carefully reviewed each sentence of his talk, I wept as I read the following words about holding nothing back because this was the message the Lord had for me:

“No part of walking by faith is more difficult than walking the road of repentance. However, with ‘faith unto repentance,’ we can push roadblocks out of the way, moving forward to beg God for mercy. (Alma 34:16.) True contrition brings full capitulation. One simply surrenders, caring only about what God thinks, not what ‘they’ think, while meekly offering, ‘O God, . . . make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee.’ (Alma 22:18.) Giving away all our sins is the only way we can come to know God.

“In contrast, those who hold back some of their sins will be held back. So, will those who refuse to work humbly and honestly with the Lord’s appointed. Partial disclosure to appointed leaders brings full accountability. The Prophet Joseph said, ‘We ought to . . . keep nothing back.’” (Andrew F. Ehat, Lyndon W. Cook (1980), The Words of Joseph Smith, (p. 7), Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University, Provo, UT.)

Related to my need to turn completely to God, I had been worrying more about what “they” would think and relying upon my own wisdom than what God wanted me to say. Also, I may have just needed to labor a little bit longer and harder to receive the inspiration I sought. Elder Maxwell’s own personal hours of labor to refine his message years ago penetrated into new places in my mind and heart by the power of the Holy Ghost. His extensive labors on behalf of the Lord had not been in vain because his message carried across nearly 30 years the message of full submission to God to perform my assignments.

Later the next day, as I busied myself with household chores, I momentarily stopped and stood still in my bedroom as the Spirit filled my mind with new ideas, His ideas. I quickly acknowledged the source of my inspiration and began envisioning all the changes that I needed to make once I returned to my presentation. There was still labor to perform, but they had become His labors, rather than merely my labors.

Like the Psalmist, I confirm that along with all your sweat and labor, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6). Friends, there are so many more beautiful words to speak, write, rejoice in, and spread throughout all people, but we must labor for them and hold nothing back so that they will be truly His words, and not ours alone.