Are You Aware? Queer and Mormon
This is part III in our LGBTQ+ Education Awareness Wednesday series. Read the other posts in the series here.
Hello, friends. I’m Blaire Ostler. I’m a born and raised Mormon. I come from nine generations of Mormon pioneers. I often joke that if there is a Mormon gene, I have it. I’m also a genderqueer and bisexual, but most of the time I refer to myself as “queer.” If there is a queer gene, I’m pretty sure I have that too.
The constant struggle for a bisexual person, at least in my case, was never feeling like you belong somewhere. I was never gay enough and I was never straight enough. I was just queer enough to feel the social rejection, isolation, and hopelessness that comes with being gay, but at the same time my attraction to men excluded me from the queer community. From the perspective of the straight community, I was confused, just seeking attention, or going through a phase. From the perspective of the queer community, I was kidding myself and afraid to confront the fact that I was undeniably, exclusively homosexual.
It has taken me years to feel comfortable in my identity as a queer woman. The truth is I’m gay, I’m straight, and I’m everything in between. Instead of perceiving myself as not enough of any one identity, I started seeing myself as enough regardless of my identity. I belong with the straight community, and I belong with the queer community.
For me, my sexual orientation and my Mormonism are paralleled in my struggles as a bisexual woman. I’ve felt pulled between two communities I love dearly, hearing the same voices chanting, “Pick a side! Pick a side! You can’t be Mormon and queer.” The truth is, I can’t deny my Mormon identity, motivations, and beliefs any more than I could deny that I’m queer. Both identities, Mormon and queer, are a part of me, and I have no intention of renouncing either.
It’s not impossible. I’m Mormon and queer, but more importantly, I’m enough just the way I am.
To read more about the misconceptions faced by the LGBTQ community and ways we can work toward more understanding and love, follow this link.
If you are a parent or loved one of an LGBTQ person, this issue of the Family Acceptance Project was written specifically for LDS families. Entering your email address and zip code will give you access to the digital document.
Blaire Ostler is a genderqueer, bisexual, Mormon woman. She has a degree in philosophy with an emphasis in queer studies, and a degree in fine arts. She serves on the board of three nonprofit organizations: Sunstone, the Mormon Transhumanist Association, and Christian Transhumanism Association. She is a philosopher, artist, poet, writer, and advocate. Through the miracle of modern medicine, she and her spouse have three beautiful, thriving children.
