Sabbath Devotional :: Hair Bows and Cookie Cutters

Image: Bertel Thorvaldsen’s Christus statue at Temple Square. Photo taken by Greg Douglas.

Several years ago I attended a Relief Society activity where we were learning how to make hair bows. The women who were teaching the class displayed dozens of beautiful bows they had created and gave us a quick demonstration. They made bow-making look like the easiest thing ever.

I am here to tell you that bow-making is not the easiest thing ever.

As time went on, I started to feel increasingly frustrated at my lack of bow-making skills. All the women around me were creating one adorable hair bow after another. I had not been able to finish a single bow and was obviously struggling, even while others were trying to help me. I started to feel some familiar feelings creeping up on me — the feelings I have experienced at every Relief Society activity that involves ribbon, sewing machines, glue guns or Mod Podge. Feelings of insecurity and self-consciousness. Feelings of being inferior or “less” than the women around me because I am challenged in the crafting department. I started to think to myself that I shouldn’t have bothered coming, because this is just not my thing.

As all of this was happening inside me, I knew that I knew better than to do this to myself. I know that it is dangerous and self-destructive to start playing the comparison game. I know that we are all meant to be unique and we all have different gifts to offer the world. But I can still get caught up in comparing and telling myself that I don’t measure up or fit that “mold” that I’m supposed to fit.

As I’ve listened to many different women over the years, it has become clear that I am not the only one who sometimes struggles with this thinking. Many of us have felt at one time or another that there is some cookie-cutter mold that we’re supposed to fit, and most of us have felt that we don’t fit it. We might believe there is a certain general path that our lives are all supposed to take or certain traits we are all supposed to possess. Of course, we know that we are not all meant to be exactly the same — if we’re speaking in cookie language, we might have different flavored icing or different colored sprinkles — but we might believe that generally, there is a basic shape that our lives are supposed to fit.

I think that every woman could probably list reasons why she doesn’t fit the “mold.” Perhaps it’s because of a perceived lack of talents and gifts. Perhaps it’s because of a less-than-ideal family situation. Perhaps it’s because of a struggle with faith and testimony. At different stages of my life, I have fallen into each of those categories.

When I find myself slipping into cookie-cutter thinking and feeling like I don’t “fit,” I remind myself of President Nelson’s plea for “women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ.”

There is a chapter in the Book of Mormon that sums up the doctrine of Christ beautifully: 2 Nephi 31. The words “baptized” and “baptism” appear frequently in this chapter. It talks a lot about following the example of Jesus. It speaks of repentance and receiving the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. It has some beautiful phrases like “unshaken faith” and “relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.” Verse 20 sums it up well:

“Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.”

Hoping. Loving. Feasting. Pressing forward. Enduring.

There is nothing there about making hair bows. Nothing about baking homemade bread or sewing matching outfits for your kids. Nothing about how well you can put an outfit together or style hair. Nothing about careers, marital status, or how many children you have.

Not that there is anything wrong with any of those things, or that domestic skills, cute kids, or fulfilling careers aren’t wonderful things to have. But those are not requirements on the path to salvation. Sometimes it’s easy to get so caught up in our to-do lists and our personal quest for self-improvement that we can lose sight of what the gospel of Jesus Christ really is about.

Hoping. Loving. Feasting. Pressing forward. Enduring.

Relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.

Each of us is unique and divine. We have different talents. We have different life experiences, struggles, tragedies, and triumphs. And when we come together in love, when we cherish our differences, when we firmly plant our feet on the bedrock foundation of the doctrine of Christ, we will be powerful instruments in the hands of God.