Sabbath Devotional :: Lord, Is It I?

Recently in my BYU Western Humanities course, I taught a lecture I call “How to ‘read’ a painting.” Most college students understand not only how to read, but how to read with some depth and analysis. They understand the what — character, plot, and setting. They can also ascertain the how — theme, style, and symbolism. And, of course, some of the best discussions flourish when we try to ultimately understand the why of the writing, the author’s intent, the connections to our own humanity, and the relevance might have for our own lived experiences.

But in a Humanities course, where we study great works of art as well as literature, students need to gain the tools for “reading” a painting. So we discussed the what or the content of the painting and talked about subject matter, tradition, iconography, and symbolism (a dog in a Renaissance painting might mean fidelity, while in a Baroque, base animal nature; a crown of thorns in the West has a clear meaning which might not transfer to Eastern cultures).

But subject matter does not make meaning, I told my students. Just because two paintings both visualize the Crucifixion does not mean that the meanings of both paintings are the same. The students needed new tools too, to better understand the how of painting: line, focal point, shape, color, light and value, space, texture, material. As we think about how an artist chose to paint a certain topic (the Annunciation, the Ascension, young love, royalty, landscape, emotion) we started trying to answer the why. What is the artist trying to say by painting this subject matter in this way? What is the message?

After going through these tools one by one using different paintings, we turned to Leonard Da Vinci’s “The Last Supper” to apply all the tools. When I was young, I saw no more than just that — the Last Supper. But closer attention to the content and the how have given me greater appreciation for the painting. Lines — physical as well as implied and psychological — all point to a vanishing point at Christ’s head, where one of the brightest spots of the painting, a highlight, also rests. Christ’s relatively vibrant red and blue contrasts with the more muted tones (though all the colors have decomposed badly due to a new technique — a new material, or how, that Da Vinci was experimenting with). And Christ’s solid triangular shape is centered between four 3-person groupings of apostles, much more fluidly and organically composed. Clearly, our eye is to be drawn to the Savior, the source of stability and peace.

Here even greater attention to content is revealing. Da Vinci could have selected any particular moment in the hours-long event of the Last Supper. It appears that he is focusing on the moment after Christ revealed that one of the apostles would betray him. The apostles are in a state of commotion — leaning in to speak to and over one another, spilling loud words from their mouths, gesturing rather wildly at others and at themselves. Judas leans forward to better hear what the Savior has to say.

These clues suggest that Da Vinci chose to portray the moment when “they were exceeding sorrowful, and began every one of them to say unto him, Lord, is it I?” (Matthew 26: 21-22) What an interesting choice for a painting upon the wall of the refectory (or cafeteria) of the Convent of Santa Maria delle Grazie, a monastery in Milan! Imagine sitting down with your brethren and seeing, at one end of the room, the Savior and His apostles seated for their last Passover meal together. Those revered apostles are in an emotional, even panicked state, some suggesting the culprit might be another, each supposed to be wondering whether he might be the one. “Lord, is it I?” Da Vinci calls upon each of us to ask.

I’ve been thinking a bit about the what, the how, and the why of what we do here in MWEG. Often it is easy to be caught, emotional and even panicked, by the what that surrounds us. The what is sometimes SO BAD — children torn from parents after fleeing violence and terror; refugees left to rot in camps despite the contributions they could make to our society; sex and suspicion and scandal in so many areas of government and especially, it seems, among those at the head of our nation. In my first role in MWEG, I sent out a daily call to action. It was a veritable whack-a-mole, draining and discouraging. (We have decided to be a bit more strategic. I still get the daily calls-to-action. . . but delete each one immediately these days!)

This is when I have to remember to pay attention to my how and my why. When I shared a draft of a recent op-ed I had written with the MWEG Writing and Publishing Committee, I was surrounded by encouragement for my what. But fortunately they also helped me work on my how, and in doing so my tone more faithfully reflected the peaceful core attribute of MWEG. How I am sharing my what makes a big difference in others’ receptivity to my message. . . and I don’t always get this right. I am grateful to you, my MWEG sisters, for not only expanding my understanding of what, but also exemplifying how we can work together with love and civility.

The why must always remain central to our minds and our vision. Why do we feel compelled to act? Why is it that other smart, compassionate, righteous people can see the world differently from me? (Is it possible I’m not always right? Or that we can both be right?) Why does this matter?

In The Last Supper, the what, how, and why all focus on the Savior. If our why is likewise focused on Him and our how follows His example — courageous, meek, articulate, loving, always advocating for those who cannot advocate for themselves — we too can weather the emotions that accompany the what. And as in The Last Supper, we also must be ready to ask — when we see racism or intolerance or selfishness or corruption in others — Lord, is it I? How can I do and be better? Why must I do and be better?

Elder Uchtdorf has said: “My beloved friends, a first step on this wondrous and fulfilling path of true discipleship starts with our asking the simple question: ‘Lord, is it I?” (https://www.lds.org/general…/2014/10/lord-is-it-i…). Then he testifies: “As we do so, our bountiful God will lead us by the hand; we will ‘be made strong, and blessed from on high’” (D&C 1:28).