Sabbath Devotional :: Find Your Calm Center

A few weeks ago, I came to myself in the middle of my family room late one night. I say that I “came to myself” because I’d spent that day, and the days before it, in such a frazzled mental state that I had hardly had a moment to check in with myself either physically or mentally. The last months in my life have been a study in balance: My career has been at an intense moment, my health has been struggling, my family has somehow still needed to be fed, and I’ve been trying to learn how to live with the constant emotional fluctuation that I’ve felt since the election. All of these things were swirling inside me on that night, and I found myself thinking: I am never going to be able to keep all these plates spinning. I will crash and burn, and when it happens, it will be bad. If my life, and my emotions, in that moment had been given a visual representation, it would have been either a tornado or the little confused black scribble that hangs over a comic character’s head when they’re feeling frustrated.

And just as soon as I’d had that thought, and the fear that came with it, I felt a distinct whispering of the Spirit in my heart. That whisper said, “You must find your calm center.” And with that gentle voice came the image of that whirling tornado — but within it, stillness. Peace. A calm center from which I could experience the different stresses of my life without being pulled apart by them.

Many times over the past month, I’ve found myself drawn back to the New Testament, to Christ’s parting promise in John 14:27 — “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.” I’ve puzzled over the meaning of that. Isn’t the meaning of peace rather straightforward? Isn’t it a dichotomy — either you have peace or you don’t?

And yet when I think of peace in a worldly sense, I think of lack of conflict. Quiet. Calm. A spa, maybe. Definitely a good long nap. My child would never yell, there would never be stress in politics, conflict would be abolished. (Yes, I confess that my fantasies of a perfect world often look a tiny bit like Satan’s plan!)

Christ’s peace is different. It is peace in the middle of turmoil, in the middle of conflict. “Not as the world giveth” — because Christ’s peace does not require a calm atmosphere to manifest. Christ’s peace is a peace of war, a peace of struggle, a peace of tribulation. It is the calm center in the middle of our tornados and our black scribbles. It is peace that does not always feel, well, *peaceful* — it is a peace that sometimes feels like it’s fled from our hearts, from our lives. But it is a peace that is always there, always available, always accessible through the old standbys: beseeching prayer, scripture study, the ministering of friends, patience.

In a 1991 address called “Peace Within,” Joseph B. Wirthlin said: “Though we abhor war, peace nearly always has been more a dream than a reality. During most of the world’s history, strife, dissension, and conflict have flourished and displaced peace. The times when peace has reigned, it began in the hearts of righteous, obedient individuals and grew until it engulfed a society.”

I discovered this talk that night weeks ago, after I had felt the Spirit’s whisper that I needed to find my calm center. I googled “LDS calm center,” and it was the first result. When I got to the above paragraph, my arms broke out in real, true goosebumps. Immediately, I thought of my MWEG sisters: Of the friends that I’ve made here, of the literal thousands of courageous women who have taken their fear and their anxiety and their dissatisfaction and decided to be a part of helping Christ’s peace change our society. So often these days, I feel alone, isolated, like I am the only one mired in frustration and fear. And yet, as Elder Wirthlin says: The times that peace has reigned, it began in the hearts of the righteous. Not a large number of hearts, at first. Sometimes just one brave, valiant heart, determined to make a better way.

“Not as the world giveth, give I unto you.” Christ’s peace is there, ready to be our calm center in the middle of the busyness, the stress, the politics. Christ’s peace is there, ready to change us, ready to spread outward from us and change society around us, too. And that, my friends, is a marvelous promise.